


Why Dr. Coyle Hates Max Brass

by RieSonomura



Category: ARMS (Video Game)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Gen, Humor, Memes, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Beta Read, Swearing, The Author Regrets Everything, Why Did I Write This?, kinda sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RieSonomura/pseuds/RieSonomura
Summary: CRACKFIC, DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY AT ALL. You want to know what Max Brass said to Dr. Coyle that spurred her grudge against him? Find out! (aka I Regret Everything: The Fic. Contains language.)
Relationships: Dr. Coyle & Max Brass (ARMS)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16
Collections: Discord Community Archive





	Why Dr. Coyle Hates Max Brass

**Author's Note:**

> welp. my first ARMS fanfiction. AND IT'S A CRACKFIC. I HAVE NEVER DONE CRACK BEFORE AND I'M A BIT NERVOUS BUT-
> 
> heck it. it needs to be done.
> 
> SO like i got into ARMS with that free trial after it was announced the next Smash Bros fighter would be from ARMS, I got into the lore, I found out that Dr. Coyle apparently has a grudge against Max Brass cause of something he said to her, and I thought, "Let's make this as cracky as possible lmao"
> 
> and the result is... whatever meme-filled mess you see before you. Enjoy, as I question all my life choices up to this point

**_Why Dr. Coyle Hates Max Brass_ **

_June 9, 20XX_  
_04:20 PM_  
_Location: [NAME REDACTED]_

"Hmm... this test data looks quite promising," Dr. Coyle murmured, looking at the large computer screen. "Hedlok may be ready soon."

"'EY! Doc!" A familiar male voice, one brimming with masculinity and self-pride, boomed from across the lab. That voice belonged to none other than Max Brass, head of the ARMS League, which was collaborating with the ARMS Labs, which Dr. Coyle oversaw.

"Ah, Max," Dr. Coyle said. "You're a bit late today, so the Cells, Springtron and Helix are helping out."

"So, uh... what can I do?" Max Brass asked, scratching the back of his head.

Glancing at her partner in a somewhat pensive matter, she then told him, "You can help with the equipment. You're more suited to heavy lifting than analytical matters, after all."

"You know me!" Max chuckled, walking over to the scientist, who instructed him to fetch her whatever equipment she needed, to which he obliged with undying fealty. After a while, though, he started giggling.

"Max? I fail to see what's so funny," Dr. Coyle apprehensively said. "Plus, you on occasion handed me the wrong equipment... did you sleep well last night?"

"T-to tell the truth, no," Max Brass said, trying to hold in his chortles. "I was marathoning this hilarious cartoon last night - a late night one, with humor not fit for the kiddies and stuff?"

"...How long did you stay up?"

"I feel like it was... until like 3 AM?" Max held his right hand to his chin in thought before continuing, "But like, oh my God you've got to see it sometime. The main characters are this cynical scientist and his scaredy-cat of a grandson who's a total simp for that one girl in his class. The scientist kinda reminds me of you, ya know... except... as a dude?"

Unsure how to take Brass's comparison, Dr. Coyle's face bore a somewhat skeptical expression before she urged him, "Go on..."

"And they go on all these wild sci-fi adventures, right? And there's a bunch of alternate timelines involved and crap, I'm surprised they mix sci-fi with dark comedy so well... but that's not the best part!"

"Oh?" Dr. Coyle tilted her head slightly in curiosity. "What could possibly have been so entertaining about this cartoon that you stayed up that late?"

"Okay, okay, so get this," Max held his hands out in front of him, trying to contain his excitement. "So the grandpa's a scientist, right? And he does all these experiments, so one day he performs a revolutionary experiment on himself!"

Upon hearing those words, Dr. Coyle's eyes lit up with genuine curiousity. "Yes...?"

"He turns himself..."

"YES...?"

"...Into a PICKLE!" It was at that moment that Max Brass burst into uncontrollable laughter.

The excitement and curiosity within Dr. Coyle deflated like a punctured tire as she slumped her shoulders, stared at him in a "Are you kidding me right now" manner, and stated, "Seriously? He could find the cure for life threatening diseases, the secret to time travel, or even modify his or someone's else's body for peak strength or endurance, and instead... he turns himself into a _pickle_?"

"I ain't kidding Doc! It's literally THE FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN!" He collapsed to the floor, rolling around as he chortled.

 _This_ is what he found so hilarious he sacrificed sleep for it? _This_ tale of a fictional scientist who squanders his knowledge just to clown on his grandson? The thought was unfathomable to Dr. Coyle, who sought to reach new breakthroughs in her scientific career to further improve ARMS technology. Most importantly, the _gall_ Max Brass had to compare her, who invented Helix, Springtron and Hedlok, as well as reanimated Master Mummy, to someone who turned himself into a _pickle_.

"...Max," Dr. Coyle seethed as Max's obnoxious laughter echoed throughout the lab, her hands clenching into fists as the pencil she was holding began to snap against the pressure. When he didn't respond and kept on laughing, she shouted, "MAX!" Her furious voice boomed throughout the lab, grabbing the attention of all the Cells, Springtron, and Helix, as well as Max himself as he stopped laughing.

Turning his head timidly to meet the enraged Dr. Coyle's piercing gaze, he stammered, "Y-yes...?"

Her incensed gaze unwavering, she ordered him, trying not to explode in rage at him, "Get. The _fuck_. Out. Of my lab."

"...C-come on Doc, I was just-"

"NOW!" Dr. Coyle yelled, prompting Max Brass to scramble to his feet and run fearfully to the door, stumbling a few times. "AND DON'T COME BACK!"

"O-okay! Sorryyyyyyy!" Max shouted as he vacated the premises.

As the other workers still stared at the scene before them, Dr. Coyle scolded them, "Show's over! Get back to work!" Everyone immediately obeyed lest they incur the renowned scientist's wrath any further.

Turning her attention back to her computer, Dr. Coyle opened her scientist's log app and wrote, "June 9, 20XX. Max Brass is a bitch-ass motherfucker. The things he said to me... I can NEVER forgive. His day of reckoning will come. Oh, it will come."

_**Fan - I mean, Fin?** _

**Author's Note:**

> I REGRET EVERYTHING. AND SOMEHOW, ALSO NOTHING. WAHAHAHA.
> 
> rest assured tho, not all my ARMS fics will be like... this. I have a Min Min/Ninjara story or two planned. but i had to get THIS out of the way. thanks, Smashboards.


End file.
